When somebody tells me that they aren’t sure who they are, I say, “That’s ridiculous. You are what you think when you are sure nobody is watching.”
I still think readers today are complete morons. Would I do it again? Fuck ‘em, I say. Oh, that’s brilliant–I’ll change my last name to Farkham and re-package it as a parody. With all the attention I’ve gotten over the whole thing, it should be my winning lottery ticket.
Susan was determined to invent a latex body condom for sleeping in hotel rooms, inspired by the Jolly Swagman. I told her they’d already been invented–they’re called wet suits.
There are a hundred ways to inform someone that they’re an idiot, but there’s the matter of appropriate adjectives and ‘you’re a complete moron,’ might be the correct usage but ‘you’re a fucking idiot,’ just rolls off the tongue as easily as Snookie can push a bump in her hair.
Surely if anything is proven, by whole oceans and continents of evidence, it is that the quality of independence was almost wholly left out of the human race.
—Mark Twain (Autobiography of Mark Twain, Vol.1, p. 313)
So you don’t think I’m backhanding you like Rick James on a ho, I’ll apologize again for sending you something I should have known would not entertain you.
I just came off a three day acid fueled bender and somewhere, in an otherworldly kaleidoscope involving fat, smoking Indonesian babies and dancing Care Bears receiving blow jobs, the universe opened wide, giant legs spread, revealing a sure-fire blueprint for going viral.
A million years ago, the Tao shit the stars and planets, and it was good. Everything within the Tao, the 10,000 things are all made of shit from the Tao. People are also made of this same shit and they eat shit and shit shit, and it is good. The Tao is shit!